Unveiling the Empath Within: My 28-Year Journey to Embracing and Celebrating My True Identity

Even before reaching the crematorium, I felt a sense of sadness around me and I was trying very hard not to tear up while riding in the car with my friends who were unaware of the emotional storm that was about to erupt within me.

I thought it was just a trip of tag along; I was bored after a Sunday service in Church and was hoping to hang out with my friends for some fun and avoid going home to finish up my boring school homework that was due early the next morning. Many of my friends were going to pay their last respects to a church acquaintance who was just 17 years old, and who lost her precious life due to sudden health circumstances. That day was cremation day and they wanted to see her for the very last time. I have never met this person before and never knew of her existence. I didn't think what was going to happen except to accompany my friends to the crematorium and was hoping that it might be a short visit so that we could head to town thereafter for the fun I was looking for.

We were almost reaching the crematorium, and unbeknownst to me why, my tears started falling and I couldn't stop them. My friends were surprised as they got out of the car and I remembered someone saying that I was being too dramatic. I thought the same too - why am I already crying about someone whom I never knew?

I was internally slapping myself to get a hard grip on myself and not to embarrass myself and more so, my friends. But the emotional storm was just warming up. I remembered getting goosebumps as I stepped into the crematorium and the next thing I knew, I was bawling. Full-blown tears endlessly rolled down and I was feeling so much pain in my heart for this young girl who had just passed on. During the entire crematorial service, I couldn't hear a single thing, I didn't know what was going on outside of myself, except for the heaviness and the sadness I felt which I could only express through crying. My friends left me alone to my tears although they were shooting bewildered side glances at me, communicating to me telepathically that they were puzzled at my behavior, especially when this was the very first time I knew of this girl.

When it was finally time to cremate, her parents started wailing. Till today, as I am writing this down from the buried memories of my tender heart, I can still hear the echoes of those wailings in my ears, feeling a vulnerable moment now for them. Right there and then as young as I as at 14 years old, I somehow felt their pain so strongly - the lost dreams of their passed daughter, the beautiful life that she could have, the committed love they had for her and doing everything they could within their power to save her but it was not enough, and if they would ever get to see each other again in the other realm.

I felt while I cried with them. So much pain, so much sorrow, so much loss.

When we got out of the crematorium, I was so physically and emotionally exhausted that I couldn't continue with my friends to have the fun I wanted. I didn't understand what was going on at that time; why the expression of overwhelming emotions when I had no emotional attachment to this person at all? Even my friends thought it was unwarranted and just laughed it off that I was too sensitive. I laughed it off with them for the sake of acceptance but in hindsight, it was a day that etched deeply as part of my identity.

That day, was the first of many other moments where I could feel myself taking on the energies around me be it people or environment, easily and very deeply, feeling what they are feeling, and taking on their worries, fears, and sadness, without knowing that that's all theirs and not mine. I will always feel emotionally drained if it's negative energies that I took on, and I would need days of seclusion just to recharge myself back to balance. And of course, I do feel uplifted when it's positive energies. My five senses are easily stimulated when there's too much of blinding lights, wrong fuggy smells, or constant sharp noises.

I have never shared this with anyone because I had always accepted the labels that came with it -

"You are too sensitive."

"Why are you so emo?"

"Can you stop being so dramatic?"

"Are you being attention-seeking?"

I wanted so much to belong and be accepted (even in my family household) that I shoved all these real parts of me down and locked them up somewhere deep in my heart, putting up a persona so that I could feel accepted by everyone out there. Doing this to myself truly led me to such an Identity disconnect but back then, I didn't know. I just wanted to survive the socializing jungle without judgment. Only behind closed doors and alone, do I dare to admit who I am, every day writing in my journal with tears, wondering if there was something wrong with me that I feel so much and so strongly all the time.

For so many decades, I attached this masked Identity as a survival shield. At times, it gave me solace that it worked and no one would point out the emotional bits that stood out. But most times, it ate me up on the inside. The first step to ending this was when I started to be sick physically. Dealing with Adenomyosis was the straw that broke the camel's back. That's what led me to an intentional and committed journey of self-discovery.

I had to. If I can't accept and acknowledge who I authentically am, I can't expect anyone else to love me for me. If I can't love myself for me, I cannot give love from the truest place of my heart to help others as I will be constantly running on empty. And I have been running on empty for many years. If there is a most meaningful gift I can give myself while I am still alive, it would be to fully own who I am meant to be.

I didn't know what to look for but I started reading literature on highly sensitive people. I remember feeling so many "pings" going off while reading these books because I finally found people who were like me. People were going through what I was going through. The reasons why we end up people-pleasing with no energetic boundaries, why we always put others' needs above our own needs and face constant burnt-outs, and why we have to have our own safe spaces to be our authentic selves. I started to connect with people who are the same as me, I sought professional metaphysical help to gain clarity and deeper awareness about myself.

Most importantly, I started to heal.

Heal from releasing all the past assumed judgments about me, letting go of those hurts that arose from being misunderstood, and rebuilding my vulnerable center. Some parts I didn't know needed healing, were brought to the surface when the Universe played a part in ensuring that if I am serious about getting this right, then I better go through every facet of it, no matter how painful it is.

And now, I can finally embrace myself wholeheartedly with the truckload of emotions that come with it and proudly share that yes, I am an Empath and yes, I am a highly sensitive person. I used to think that it was a term that sounded too huge for me to take on as an Identity; I kept running away from it because I didn't know what it signifies till I had gotten professional validation.

This realization was the last piece of the identity puzzle I needed.

Telling myself - "Stop running away from your destiny, Sharon. Give your Uniqueness a chance to shine in this lifetime. It's finally time."

Today, I have learned that many out there are consciously or unconsciously aware that they are Empaths too, and probably even more challenging to be one in an Asian culture. Being such a unique individual, we thrive differently when it comes to our "Inner Homes" - the world in which we live inside ourselves. Tending to it and caring for it takes a very special formula that is personalized to our Empath and highly sensitive needs. That's what this space is for; if I can help someone else out there with my life experiences on my Empath discovery, the resources I use to protect my energy and emotions as an Empath, and creating the effective tools to support Empaths and other highly sensitive persons on their respective journeys - this is my most passionate heart cry and I now know, as my life purpose. I believe everyone in the world is meant to shine, Empaths or not, and we Empaths shouldn't have to dim our lights to fit into the world that has yet to understand our giftings. Instead, let's be as colorful as we should be, painting the world with our empathetic gifts, one beautiful stroke at a time while thriving within our highest selves as empowered Empaths. The world needs us more than ever now.

With love and light,

Sharon (Si Yu)